Yesterday I took my three little ones for a day out on the town. We had a thrift store shopping spree and went to the salon (a first for my girlies). The girls were all in the salon chairs, happily getting their hair trimmed up and my stylist casually said, "What are you doing for spring break?" To tell you the truth, I had forgotten that was next week. I replied with a slight smile, "School!" She looked at me funny and then asked if we homeschool. I said we did. She blurted, "Oh wow, I could never! I get so impatient with my son. I wouldn't ever consider it. I love him, but you know, there are days when I'm happy to see him go off to school. How do you do it?! I would just never have the patience." I almost bust out laughing! I replied, "You never have enough patience! I don't have enough patience! Are you kidding me? I'm a mom just like every other mom. I have frustrated days! That's why we don't take spring break. We take other days off during the year." (Mom sanity days off...)
It struck me how funny it was that she thought I was something amazing, different or special to be able to homeschool my kids. Nope! That's not the case. I'm a broken down, emotional train wreck on days. And then there are the really bad days. Well... Maybe it's not that bad, but you know what I mean. There is nothing inherently good about me. That is, in my flesh there isn't. But in my spirit- well, I am a new creation. I have the mind of Christ. I am loved. I am a daughter of the Most High. But in my flesh, watch out!
I am thankful for forgiveness more and more every day. Especially since I often have to ask my children to forgive me. It's a practice I am fully willing to do though, if it means restored relationships with my beloved daughters. I used to think forgiveness was a transaction with God. Literally, here, I give you my junk and You take it and pour a little blood on me and I can go about my life knowing that I'm covered. Heavenly life insurance. That's all that was. A little exchange of junk for security. But there was no real life change in that.
Lately I have come to understand more that forgiveness is not just an exchange or life insurance policy. No, we've already been forgiven. Jesus did it before we were even born. So if I don't "have" to turn over my junk (sins) to Christ to have them covered, because He already covered them, then what is forgiveness?! Forgiveness is submission. Forgiveness is submitting to Christ that area of your life that is still causing grief. It is asking Christ to identify the lies you have believed, call them lies (sin) and asking Christ to take them from you and give you the truth. Then it is believing the truth. But in that He does not leave us to our own devices. He even gives us what we need to believe! Otherwise, He knew we would fail even that small task.
Thank You, Lord that I'm not "all that". Thank You that I can never be sufficient in my flesh. And thank You for being the Life.
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